


all i see in light

by annperkinsface



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 12:20:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17807831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annperkinsface/pseuds/annperkinsface
Summary: Eraqus sits at the windowsill, one knee pulled up, the light from the window slanting upon his face.





	all i see in light

Eraqus sits at the windowsill, one knee pulled up, the light from the window slanting upon his face. An old man's truth, more bitter than sweet, is the fallibility of memory but the perfection of it in this place strikes him at every turn; there, the gently rustling curtain; there, the chessboard with its pieces untouched, not a speck of dust, waiting for two boys who left and never truly came back again, their faces round with youth but the years lingering in their eyes, in how they pour out their glances, speaking in vague words and half truths.

"The Master's Keyblade is gone," says Xehanort almost idly over chess, fingers steepled under his chin, and his gaze could be clear and frank if not for the cunning in his eyes.

Eraqus gives a flicker of a smile, his mouth a rueful twist. "Luxu's playing his game," he says, nudging his piece forward, not even bothering to glance at the empty space on the wall, "as we played ours."

"To what end, I wonder," Xehanort murmurs and the hunger sharpening his face reminds Eraqus of things their new-old faces might trick them to forget: that time has not stood still and more lies between them than just a chessboard, the past and present and everything in between a divide that would seem insurmountable in any place than this. He remembers how Xehanort sought knowledge to more ruin than his own, how he weighed human lives an acceptable cost in its pursuit. Hadn't he thrilled at that look once? Chased it with fervor? Eraqus looks at Xehanort, those sharp eyes, that slightest tilt of his mouth, and is keenly aware of all his regrets, knowing with absolute certainty that Xehanort regrets none of it.

"Perhaps not as kind as our own," Eraqus muses. "Living out our days with only each other. No knowledge to seek, no balance to pursue. Only the ghost of days long past." He dredges up a smile, thinking it is a kinder punishment than two old fools deserve. Murmurs: "You must hate that. Your ambitions were always too large for one world."

"I wanted too much, you mean," Xehanort says, lowly, no self recrimination in his tone, only a matter-of-factness that makes Eraqus bristle, "and you never wanted enough. But how could you, being who you were?"

"I wanted plenty," Eraqus says, finding this profoundly unfair. "I wanted—" He breaks off. They aren't children but Eraqus' tongue is thick all the same, all the old swallowed words catching in his throat. He takes a steadying breath and doesn't break Xehanort's stare, not even when he avidly watches the swallow of Eraqus' throat. "That's all the past. It doesn't matter now."

Xehanort laughs and the sound is too loud in this world of two, making Eraqus recoil. "When will it matter if not now? You said it yourself, Eraqus. There's nothing here but me and you. Forgive me for trying to seek what little knowledge there is left."

"Some things are better left alone," Eraqus says sharply. "I'd say you learned that too late but the truth is you never learned it at all."

Xehanort's smile fades. He takes his measure of Eraqus and Eraqus tilts his chin and lets him look, pride making his chin stubborn. Something dawns on Xehanort's face, bright enough to chase out that strange leanness, something that almost looks like wonder. "I wanted to be your peer," Xehanort says finally. "Your equal. So when the time came I could stand by your side and be there for you like I promised. But I lost sight of that. I lost sight of you."

“Careful, Xehanort," Eraqus murmurs, blinking rapidly, but the image in front of his eyes doesn't dissolve. His mouth turns up at the corners: more than a little disbelieving. "That almost sounds like regret."

"Perhaps," Xehanort says, his own mouth curling. "Perhaps not." And because he is stingy with his victories even now he demands: "Now tell me. What did you want?"

The audacity, Eraqus thinks with a warmth that melts his frozen insides, and touches one of Xehanort's hands, flat on the board as he leans forward and makes demands. Eraqus presses his fingers to Xehanort's wrist, the soft, vulnerable inside masked by his wristband, but Xehanort still startles at the touch, eyes going wide. A victory of Eraqus' own. "Can't you guess?" Eraqus asks with a glimmer of his old mischief, wrapping his hand around Xehanort's wrist gently. "I wanted what you wanted. I wanted to stand together."

But wanting isn't enough. It can't be. He knew it then and he knows it now but it is hard to remember when they have been delivered out of time, dust motes flitting in and out the curtain, flickering in the light. Catching in Xehanort's hair. A light that soothes, Eraqus thinks. Not destroys. He thinks of Ventus, of Terra, of how much he still has to learn even with no one to show it for, even if he reaches with both hands for goodness he doesn't deserve.

"Well then," Xehanort says, coming out of his stupor, his face cracking into a smirk. "It's my move, isn't it?"

It is at that.

Out of all the thousands upon thousands of games they have played it is by far the least surprising Xehanort has ever been: Xehanort's mouth sliding over his cheek, pressing to the corner of his mouth. Lingering, waiting for Eraqus to meet him. A manipulator even in this. Eraqus does, closing his eyes against Xehanort's smirk and opening his mouth, letting himself be rooted to the moment by the taste, by the way Xehanort's wrist trembles in Eraqus' grip. Not a revelation or a homecoming but an affirmation, one that tastes slightly of regret.

What's one more for the list?

  
 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> alternatively titled: shitty old men smh
> 
> look....out of all the things kh3 did, good or bad, the fact that it made me ship them when they were young and cute makes me so mad. i am a shallow bitch I guess.
> 
> but i am riding that post kh3 writing energy for all it is worth so [spreads hands, shrugs]


End file.
